Today I want to talk to you about reciprocity in relationships since it is a important regulator of your autonomic nervous system.
According to Stephen Porges:
“Reciprocity and spontaneous reversal of giving and receiving roles are positive characteristics of strong relationships.…On the contrary, Lack of reciprocity often indicates distressed and vulnerable relationships.”
When there is reciprocity, that is, a balance in the relationship between giving and receiving, the nervous systems of these two people establish a back-and-forth connection.
If we think about reciprocity we will be shedding light on the dynamics in our relationship.. And we can observe it through indicators in individual moments such as respect for turns to speak and listen., For example.
But those moments don't tell the full story of a relationship since circumstances often disrupt the relational balance..
“One person has more needs at a given moment and the other appears providing the regulating energy until there is a return to reciprocity.” – Deb Dana.
In most relationships the balance is temporarily tipped and realigned and then tipped again.. This intermittent inequality takes a toll on the relationship. In other relationships, This imbalance between giving and receiving occurs more frequently and a pattern emerges in which one person's needs seem to take precedence over another's..
A relationship of this type is exhausting and the person who does not receive feels increasingly disconnected with the effects that this entails on their physical and emotional health..
And we know that emotional pain caused by disconnection and social exclusion activates the same pain pathways as experiences of physical harm. (Eisenberger, 2012).
This sustained over time causes our solitary autonomic nervous system to move into the usual patterns of adaptive defense to protect itself from the pain of loneliness..
Which means that it will be increasingly difficult for you to receive, You will stop expecting anything from others and you will lose the ability to ask when you need it..
I invite you starting today to open your curiosity to reciprocity in your relationships..
These relational patterns often tell your life story., Above all, the relationships with your caregivers when you were little and they are reversible count..
You still have time to be able to return to regulation and experience balanced and satisfying relationships..
The first step, as usual, make you aware of where you are now and where you would like to go.