When motherhood gives you wings

instead of taking them off

I once heard someone say that When you give birth it is as if you were reborn too.

I remember that upon returning from my postpartum period, which lasted approximately two years, I told a friend that I felt like I had gone to another planet and had just returned to earth..

I have never lived outside the city where I was born for a long period of time., or yes, Perhaps that trip I took was the closest thing to what a person feels when they go away for two years to live outside their culture and come back..

Travel has that power to teach you others ways of seeing things, other sides of yourself that do not come to light in your usual environment, they make you take distance y reset yourself in the world.

Bueno, All of this is what I experienced during my postpartum period.. But to the beast. Can you imagine going on a silent retreat for almost a year? It may seem exaggerated to you, especially if you have not experienced a meditation retreat or have not lived with a baby. But the first few months of your life as a mother are a lot like what you experience when you meditate in silence for a long time..

You spend a lot of time alone, It's a loneliness in company, curiously you are more accompanied than ever, but there are silences. You are with a wonderful being who is still an appendage of your body, His emotions and yours intermingle, His world and yours are one. That's why I say it's a lonely company, you are more with yourself than you have ever been.

And you're testing your ability to give. Your emotional memories surface, you feel vulnerable, girl again, you would like someone to come and take care of you and him, that you are yourself at the end of the day.

And even if you are lucky enough that someone comes, you still notice that loneliness.

I don't remember the turning point, But the day came when I started to stop fighting against all that..

I assure you that it cost me a lot of effort, I was very used to controlling everything in my life and I had scheduled my return to work and everything that was going to happen..

That's when my wings started to grow.

Connecting with other new mothers was key for me., I started attending La Leche League meetings at my health center, not because I had any breastfeeding problems. If not because my body asked me for a tribe. I needed to express how I felt, take out my fear in a safe environment.

Soon waiting a month for the next session seemed eternal., and I heard other mothers express the same thing. So I suggested they come home on Mondays., I prepared an infusion for them and they brought something to eat, we were chatting, we laughed at ourselves, We cried and went home safer and having lost some weight..

I also went to therapy, reviewing what aspects of how my relationship with my parents had been were surfacing and affecting me today became something that I could not put off any longer..

Now, having distanced myself, I see how this trip to another planet was undoubtedly a trip of self-exploration and self-knowledge.

And the time came to want to return to the world, because it comes.

Coming back from there is hard. You have changed, you have learned many things, You have become wiser and the codes that you used to decipher easily now sound like Chinese to you.. you're back connected with the emotional world, yours and others'.

And like an incandescent meteorite you fall on the surface of a cold earth . Where the rational reigns and the emotional hides.

But you want to come back so badly, You have given so much and you have become so eager to receive., from enjoying adult pleasures that you gain strength and adapt to, wow you adapt!

And time goes by and you feel confident again in the language of the earthlings and in that state you begin to feel within yourself an extraordinary force that you created without being conscious while you were on the other side..

That force that made you put up with family demands beforehand and say: this is my family, now dedicated me.

What made you able to bond lovingly with your child despite the comments and criticism you heard?.

What made you overcome the hard moments of illness and fear?.

That force that helped you find your way back to the woman you are., finding ways to feel beautiful again, desired, sexual.

All that strength that I see in so many women, that sometimes appears hidden behind the devastating fatigue that comes with being a mother and working outside the home, also in a society that makes it invisible..

That force led me to return to study and become the guide of other people's journeys towards the self discovery, self-esteem and self-confidence.

And you, Do you know where this journey will take you?

Tell me your experience, Have you felt different when you came back to earth? Have you started or do you have any project in mind after motherhood??