Dear nameless boy,
I know your story since Thursday and I want you to know that I have cried for you.
I know what you are living.
I can feel your fear having to go sleep at your father's house.
How neither your mother nor you sleep because of your terrible nightmares in which you dream that horrible things happen to her. He told me about the violent attacks you are having in the mornings, and I see how alone you are.
Your mother has put herself in a bubble to survive everything she has experienced and now she is not able to get you out..
Because you haven't come out yet.
I know you have to sleep with him in the same bed, porque vive en una sola habitación y que duermes en un cojín en el suelo cuando trae a una de tantas mujeres a su cama.
Sé que has tenido que construir una parte de ti que lo ama para poder convencerte de que no es tan malo estar ahí. En tu cabeza hay tantas partes y tan polarizadas que a veces es imposible para ti saber quién eres y quienes son los demás.
Estás tan lleno de ira.
Y con tanto, y tantas personas alrededor; educadores, profesores, psicólogos… no escapas a la incomprensión.
Y es que a veces lo más fácil es culparte a ti. Pensar que eres como tu padre.
Yeah, sé que notas que tu madre también lo piensa y eso es lo que más dolor te causa.
Conozco bien lo que el miedo es capaz de hacer dentro de las personas, I know him in first person.
Dear nameless boy, I have spoken with her.
As I have tried so many times, like you with your violence, awaken the rage inside her so she wakes up. He is doing everything he can but everything is terribly insufficient for you and your pain reaches me. I know that the educators have called your father, finally after a year with him they seem to realize that your behavior has to do with what you experience there. Yeah, I know, the adult world is absurd, this, blind, cruel, disconnected and sometimes too deeply in denial to understand how you feel.
Someday you will discover how complicated the violent network is that has led your father and mother to give you such a difficult existence.. Some day, maybe, you will be able to feel all the pain that they carry inside, what we all carry. You too will grow and quite possibly play your part in this endless chain.
But I want you to know that inside you there is a part that will be protected, without damaging, a part that will keep you connected to life. Quite possibly your protective parts will hide it so well that you may hardly realize you are there.. but you will be, and one day you may meet another human being who reflects that part of you and by feeling it you will gain enough strength to begin to heal such a deep wound..
Dear nameless boy, this story is for you. I don't know you but I carry you in my heart.
THE GOOD FAIRY (Adapted by Jan Mullen from a client report by Tara Brach, “Rosalie” encontrando una guía en una sesión de terapia IFS)
Desde las esquinas donde el silencio permanece, llega la urgencia de subir a lo alto de una montaña y gritar la verdad. Y pedí a Dios, al universo – “¡Duele demasiado, no puedo soportarlo!”- y ella vino a mi, el poder de mi mente, la energía del universo, un ángel azul, como el hada buena del Mago de Oz. Me senté con las piernas cruzadas en el suelo de mi habitación, mirando hacia arriba, con más o menos ocho años. Ella me dijo, “Cariño, este es el trato. Están pasando muchas cosas aquí y no tengo el poder de hacer que se vayan, de conseguir que todo esté bien, o tan siquiera de ayudarte a llevarlo de tal manera que no te cause daño. Lo que puedo hacer, cariño, is to help you get through this while it's happening. will come back to you, but it will only come back later, when you are able to handle it and there is someone to help you.” So, I told him, “Okay because I can't take it anymore.”
She waved her wand and said: “I am going to send these things that are happening to different parts of your body, and your body will keep them like a treasure chest, like a time capsule. your heart, Your heart is broken and I'm going to have to leave your ribcage closed around it and hold it tight so you can't feel the pain as it breaks.. And I'm going to squeeze your neck tight and turn it into a fortress with the highest walls., so your feelings can't reach your throat, and so you can't put words to them. You will not be able to cry for help or shout your anger. And you won't be able to breathe very deeply to feel what's happening to your body.. And that strength will prevent what your body knows is happening to it from connecting with your head., so you won't be completely aware of it. And I will tie your ears, so that you hear but cannot enter much.”
“I want you to be a quiet and somewhat embarrassing girl.”, so that we do not interrupt what is happening to put it very carefully in its place. And it will stay this way. You will have problems having feelings and feeling close to other people, pero esa será tu manera de sobrevivir. And you, mi amor, podrás funcionar como ser humano a pesar de este dolor, porque tienes un espíritu fuerte que puede guardar esto dentro. Y yo te ayudaré.” “No lo olvidarás todo. Serás visitada por tristezas, preguntas, o flashes de imágenes que te dirigirán, como marcando el camino, a explorar lo que pasó. Y dejaré una voz dentro de ti, como una chispa de luz, que te impulsará a reconectar contigo misma, para encontrar a esa persona que eres ahora y que está pidiendo ayuda y cuyo corazón está absolutamente roto. ¡Es posible que no entiendas bien esta voz! It will manifest as an impulse within you but it will be your lost essence speaking to you as it can through your aching body so that you can return and find yourself.”
“When the right time comes, you will start to open up. It will be a very long process. It will take as much time to heal as you have been in the place where everything is frozen.. Finally, your body will no longer be able to keep that inside. Your muscles will begin to give way, and you will feel the urgency to heal physically, and that will begin the process of really relaxing your body and realizing how much it has been enduring these years.. This will cause physical and emotional pain during the process.. But by then you will be strong enough to face the truth and you will have a very special friend., that will be the adult you have become, who will take care of you like no one else can until you find yourself again.”
“As all this will begin to relax, You will fight to free your mind from the falsehoods it has learned to survive, and the walls of fear that separated you from the truth. The mind, at first, will believe that only the person who caused you harm has the power to free you from it and will need time to trust that this is not true. You will fight to get your mind and body to flow and become one again.. but you will, porque eres una persona con plena capacidad y un corazón anhelante de amor. No sé exactamente como será, pero el universo te llevará hacia ahí. Tendrás que ser muy paciente, muy valiente, pero será tu entrenamiento, tu prueba de fuego, tu curación. Y cuando ya lo estés atravesando, serás una persona completa: nueva y a la vez la misma.”
“Ahora quiero que te vayas a la cama. Agitaré mi varita y te dormirás, y cuando te despiertes, habrás olvidado que estuve aquí. Olvidarás que pediste ayuda y no sentirás el dolor del día a día. Esta es la única manera que conozco para que puedas pasar por esto. Eres una niña preciosa. No entiendo las razones para que esta terrible carga recaiga sobre ti pero te quiero y el universo te quiere. Tendrás que quererte lo suficiente para sanarte, y así poder vivir el resto de tu vida de manera plena, llena de luz. Los recuerdos dolorosos seguirán ahí, pero con otra perspectiva. Un día volverás a estar completa. Hasta entonces y para siempre. Te quiero.”